A North Korean military guard keeps watch over the USS Pueblo in Pyongyang, North Korea. (Associated Press) At a time of great change in the world, it is helpful to have a fundamental American principle that focuses on goals and objectives. When thinking of U.S. relations with North Korea, that fundamental American principle comes from the United States Navy and is enshrined in the battle flag aboard the USS Niagara during the War of 1812 – “Don’t Give Up the Ship.” “Don’t Give Up the Ship” USS PUEBLO SPY SHIP CREW TELL TRUMP TO BRING VESSEL HOME FROM NORTH KOREA As the Trump Administration prepares for a second face-to-face meeting sometime this spring with North Korean Leader Kim Jung Un, it is hoped that the Commander in Chief carries a message of this American and U.S. Navy principle as part of his conversation and meeting agenda. Fifty-one years ago this week the USS Pueblo (AGER-2), a commissioned U.S. Navy ship on an … [Read more...] about Trump should ask North Korea to return the USS Pueblo in meeting with Kim
MAPLEWOOD, MN—Presenting a romanticized snapshot of regional biodiversity, a local nature preserve reportedly set highly unrealistic expectations Monday with a visitor center full of taxidermied animals. “Whoa, a beaver, a timber wolf, and a pack of bobcats just chilling on a rock,” said first-time visitor Stephanie Coughlin, admitting with glee that she always dreamed about “getting up close and personal” with a black bear, a badger, and an elk. “Check out all those bald eagles! There’s, like, five of them next to that moose and those flying squirrels. Wait, is that a river otter? Fuck yeah! How did I miss out on all of this? I mean, I’ve never seen anything larger than a possum, and I’ve lived in the Minneapolis suburbs for, like, 30 years.” At press time, a dejected Coughlin learned that she would be spending the next two hours dissecting owl pellets. … [Read more...] about Nature Preserve Sets Up Unrealistic Expectations With Visitor’s Center Full Of Taxidermied Animals
OMAHA, NE—Saying she’d “psyched herself out” during the last few story times at her local library, area puppet Phoebe the Pig admitted to reporters Wednesday that due to nerves, she had no idea what to do with her hands. “The minute I got out there in front of the kids, I felt uncomfortable. It was like my arms were just hanging there or sticking out at weird angles,” said Phoebe, noting that even gestures like waves, friendly handshakes, or throwing her hands in front of her eyes for a quick game of peek-a-boo didn’t feel natural anymore. “Sometimes, I feel odd just standing still, so I’ll start clapping or high-fiving people like an idiot. And, honestly, the more I think about it, the worse it gets. Yesterday, I had no idea what to do, so I just started dancing. The kids wouldn’t stop laughing.” At press time, Phoebe added that she had managed to stop some of her nervous fidgeting by simply putting her hands inside of … [Read more...] about Self-Conscious Puppet Has No Idea What To Do With Hands
For the third year running, the New England Patriots will go to the Super Bowl—this time to face off against the Los Angeles Rams. What do you think? “Hopefully, the Patriots will put an end to their embarrassing two-year championship drought.” Susan Trejo • Paperwork Shredder “Ah, a classic bad guys vs. worse guys matchup.” Kristopher Bass • Testimonial Giver “It does sound pretty cool—maybe I should try to swing by.” Daniel Hastings • Systems Analyst … [Read more...] about Super Bowl Set For Rams-Patriots
Opinion It’s a story you didn’t hear anywhere as the life of Martin Luther King Jr. was celebrated this week—even though without it, none of his efforts would have been possible: his devotion to his faith and his God. His devotion to Jesus Christ. “To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license,” Bill Maher once explained. “Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll down to the bottom and click, ‘I agree.'” Rev. Martin Luther King thought differently. Indeed, he found the Bible so compelling that his undergraduate degree was in Bible studies and his Ph.D. was in theology. To King, the Bible wasn’t a software license. It was software code — a deep, mysterious code authored by God for man’s eternal soul. Leaving God out of Martin Luther King’s life is like leaving naked young women out of Hugh Hefner’s, hamburgers out of Ray Kroc’s, or race out of Jackie Robinson’s. But … [Read more...] about Martin Luther King Jr. Was a Man of God. Why is the Secular Media Ignoring It?